My diary.


January. February. March. April. May. June. July&Augustus. September. November. December.

well hello everyone!! long time no see

i have had a long, tumultous but fun two months behind me. have i tanned? no. am i devastated? positively.

tis september szn, and school has started! i started a new major and man.. the workload is immense. i mean, ive just had two days and i already have hours and hours of homework. i know i wanted to study something medical, but i forgot how time and energy consuming it is. i really have time for nothing else!

its very different from my last major. i almost put no effort into that one and passed with flying colours.

not to mention the fact i caught a cold!! and all i want to do right now is just lay down and be sick!!

um further.. im excited to be back from vacation and consistently work on my website again. for me, my website isnt just a small thing ill abandon later. this is my passion project. im serious with it. im treating it like my online diary, my online proof that i have existed.

anyways, are there active websites on here that are long running or at least consistent? im trying to gather a list of all of them so i can keep them in touch.

i love my friends.. thats all. i really love them.

ive been really into the sex pistols again as of late! i still havent finished watching Pistol tho.. i rly love how louis partridge looks as sid vicious.. very obsessed w his look!! he looks gorg!! i did finish nana the anime and manga recently, so i guess thats why my love was reawakaned?

i accidentally put the wrong email on my website homepage.. its ajaxhub111 gmail, not ajaxhub11.. sorry to ajaxhub11.. also i want to make a new, more readable homepage hehe


Hatachi No Koi - Lamp


hello guys. i just started uni and WOWW im dead with how much work i have to do. and you know how i tackle this problem??.... by doing absolutely nothing.

i have been procrastinating on my work the past days and though i hate myself for it, its okay because i watched the one piece live action, decision to leave, pilots (the series), mission impossible dead reckoning part one and barbie. so all in all, i dont regret it.

big fan of sea shanties. recent favourite i keep singing is drunken sailor. been neglecting my friends. in a weird period. im an adult. im okay with everything and with nothing. been crying a lot. a lottt.. seem to never stop hurting people. did you guys know relationship ocd exist?

im like, so hung up on whether im a good person or not. what defines a good person?? my actions are good but im neglectful to people around me, forgetful and careless. am i good??? idk.

im also very hung up on the concept of freedom. i want to be free. what does being free means? i have a roof over my head, i chose my own major to study.. what more do i want? i want to wear what i want and meet up with friends when i want. but is that freedom? is that what will make me happy? i will fight so hard to get that right, and then what? what if im poor, or my friends leave me. was it worth it to fight for that freedom? or is it just easier to swallow what i get in life and accept to live with the conditions im in. am i greedy? selfish?

as u can see, im battling lots of thoughts. but irl, im pretty silent. i never really talk about my feelings. its upsetting my dad though, because he never knows how i feel and he wants me to talk about stuff but i just.. dont. im silent most the time when im just with him because, what will i talk about? hes not interested in anything i am, and i have no cool knowledge or history facts or political discussion points to talk about with him, so why talk? i prefer to just listen to what people say instead of talking. everytime i open my mouth i regret it because what comes out of it is just a waste of air. no substance, no helpful info, i just blabber about stupid stuff and its better to keep silent.

my tongue moves faster than my mouth, and i often end up accidentally butting in someones business or lying without noticing. bad habit i need to work on. hey, speaking about bad habits, the last shadow puppets made a good song called bad habits. check it out.

10 SEPTEMBER 2023.

read this image

"Memories, even your most precious ones, fade surprisingly quickly. But I don’t go along with that. The memories I value most, I don’t ever see them fading." - Never let me go, Kazuo Ishiguro

sorry for all those gifs, im just very obsessed with andrew garfields look in this film, "Never let me go". these gifs were sooo popular on tumblr back in the day, and i told myself if i ever got a boyfriend i need him to look and embody this vibe. i have such a huge crush on andrew in this film. so my type.

im rewatching skins, and theres this scene where sids dad cant seem to stand up against his father, and it made me sad.. i feel like even if i feel like the best most responsible mature adult ever, i turn into nothing more than "my fathers/mothers child". it seems everyone suddenly feels so small when theyre with your parents. its somewhat comforting, beautiful and also sad.

i started watching weak hero class 1 and im really enjoying it!! im also rereading All the young dudes with my friend. Life is pretty good right now yet I still feel sad sometimes? Not satisfied? Not sure..

I cant wait to keep updating my website!!! I love having a website sooo much.. Im thinking about writing blog entries where I give tips to starting a homepage and giving motivation

23 SEPTEMBER 2023.

Listening to: Kerosone - Crystal Castles